days to my birthday...

Mum coming back seemed to make me realise how alone I’ve felt for the last two weeks. It seemed so alien to me to be at home with mum. It’s almost as if her room didn’t exist, cos I haven’t been there for a while.

I guess its cos a few things have changes, like Xmas came and went, along with my brother, and I now have music and my pc in my room.

I need to get some determination! I should go swimming when I say. Otherwise I will not get fit and any less fit than this would be pretty bad! I also require some income. I NEED a job. I want this Am Ap job. It would be quite cool to have work, in town, be forced to do stuff and go places, see and interact with people again.

It’s pretty lonely being me right now, but cos I don’t do what I say I will, I get bored. Swimming, continue to learn new stuff that’s useful to me and interesting.

22 years old. 1 degree. No job. Tired. Tic-toc-tic-toc.

Am I falsely believing that time is on my side?

If I put this on the web and die tomorrow, will anyone know this is me? No big secret, but I ain't telling you who I am. Work it out yourself.

Xmas is over, but my good will live on!

Yeah... Xmas is over, I think is said that yesterday. Went out to buy me a present from my brother today, but I couldn’t think of anything I really wanted that was in his price range. Shame. So we walked about looking for stuff for him that he wanted. Then ended up playing pool. It was a good day, tiring though!

I saw a job that I’d like to do in a clothes shop. I looked up the store chain on the web and it really looks like the kind of company that I’d like to work for, even though its nothing near what I originally wanted to do, the ethics of the company are good and I have a lot of respect for a guy that runs his company uncompromisingly how he wants it done. Got their phone number so I will give them a call tomorrow I think and see what they say. Had lunch on my brother as well, we went to a Japanese restaurant in town where we have been before and it’s really good!

Right my mum comes back from holiday tomorrow so that means that I have to sort out the house, not that it’s a mess, cos it isn’t at all, its just a bit dusty and stuff due to a slack cleaning regime!

BRB, Top Gear is on!

That was pretty good, last in the current series.

Well I think that kinda stopped my line of thinking so I am going to stop there for the night.

Enjoy the Xmas sales!!

MERRY XMAS!!!

Nice one Saint Nick and special thanks to the baby Jesus for making this all possible!

Another good Xmas over...

Lunch was good, all the bits and bobs were great, but my yorkies werent up to my high standards, but you shoulda seen 'it' last time i tried to make them! And the food that is left over is enough for a couple of days at least. Just thinking about it makes me hungry! Might have to endulge in a bit of midnight snacking.

I do hope all your Xmas' were great and all of festive desires were fulfilled. I think this is the first year that I didnt actually open any presents on the day itself, although unwraping the chicken was good (and as good as it got). I am going to a mates house tomorrow... which reminds me, I should really wrap his pressie up! But today was all about films, TV and cooking. Good day alround then! My bro and I decided not to do Xmas pressies cos we were having trouble trying to find stuff. But he said that we should go into London and find something for my birthday, which is just around the corner.

Had a good night last night as well (Xmas eve) went to the usual pub and saw loads of my old mates. I even managed to havea a good convo with my ex, but i expect nothing less really, as its only me with any sort of hungover problem from that relationship. It was really nice ot see that big smile that she gives out in answer to just about everything :) But the problems of my heart are nothing compared to the bordom of unemployed days spent aplying for jobs and playing games (esp. when you dont get any better at the games!).

I think that about it. Its 1 in the morn and its getting a bit chilly in my house, so I think its time to turn in for the night.

Take care (I dont know why I sign off, I'm the only one reading this) and have a merry Xmas

Xmas is coming

Xmas is coming. ETA is about 2 days.

The last week has been quite busy, which is great, cos it takes my mind off all sorts of things that I don’t want to be thinking about. I have had to go shopping for food three times to get everything I need for Xmas dinner. Although there are only two of us attending my meal there is going to be a hell of a lotta food!

The other day (Tuesday) I cooked a meal just for me… and I finished the last portion off last night! I think I ate it about 6 times! But it fits in well with my new diet, if I get hungry eat… eat all of the time… but just don’t eat quite as much as I am used to.

I also started some work on Wednesday. It’s only voluntary but its interesting enough, even though the function that I do is boring the reading is easy. What I do is read the responses to a paper and I have to annotate it so the guy I am working for doesn’t have to read the full response but only a bit of it. I will be going back to it in the New Year with any luck. The guy at the jobcentre told me that I am not allowed to work for more than 16 hours per week, I think its so that I am still looking for a job and still available for interview (HA!) and other job hunting activities. Over the Xmas period it’s a bit slow on the job hunting front the chap at the job centre said that it gets a bit better in the new year, mid to late January it picks up a little. Well I hope Old Saint Nick has a job in the sack of his (not that I want to work in a sack).

I thought this winter was going to be the coldest in recent history!!! Bloody weather people! And here’s me sitting here in my underwear. I wanted snow and stuff! Well no stuff, just the snow, cos I fall over on the other stuff.

Long Weekend

Cor blimey Guv! That was a pretty long weekend! Went back to my old town, Brighton, on Wednesday and spent the day with my mates. Which was really nice! I met my friends new man, he’s about as funny as a person could handle without getting into too much pain!

Came back on Thursday and chilling a bit, then went to the pub on frida with home mates, just a couple of them. The others were out at another pub in my town, but we cant have both halves of my mates together as there is some suppposed friction between them stemming from an event about 4 years ago. We always think; ‘well I’m not inviting both of them to the same place!’, but then again it was a few years ago, and one of the two is still together with his girlfriend… so no long term damage done! They are both adults so get on with it! But its coming up to xmas eve… and that means that there is a mass session involving everyone at the same pub so we will see what goes down. I don’t think they have come to fists before, but it was bloody close on the fitfull night. A night were I had to sleep with my feet against the door in one room with one of them, in fear of a fight between two ex-friends! It’s odd, but I understand where they are coming from, but then again they went together to Reading festival (I think) and had a whale of a time one of the summers previous. Four years under the bridge I hope it will all be put to rest.

Saturday, and I had as much fun is possible with processed meat(s)!!! I wouldn’t think anything against you if you thought that there is little that you can do with a packet of Baktat, but wow, the revelry last night was quite incredible. Meeting up with old friends that I generally only see every year at an xmas do was a great laugh. And seeing a couple of my mates from uni really put the icing on the cake! A heck of a lot of alcohol was brought to the do and a heck of a lot of it was consumed, but starting at 5 in the evening really made me pace myself (great plan!) and it actually worked, I could have stayed up for a few more hours if everyone didn’t go to sleep at 3 in the morning!! I think everyone one was all Baktated out and had to get some serious sleep, cos the next day the plan was to be at the up to get to the pub by 1.30 for the two football matches that were on. Spurs vs. Boro and Arsenal vs. Chelsea. Spurs game was a bit dissapointing, as we were behind most of the game and drew in the end, but the Arsenal game was something to see, the first fifteen minutes were so good and really had me gripped to the match! But they lost, which is a good thing really. And as you could imagine… 2 x (match + pub) = beers². And few more got drunk, so I think it’s a detox until xmas eve!

Can't get you out of my head!

I have just made an awesome creation! I have cooked myself a sausage cassarole. Its great, especially at this time of year when hearty food is what goes down the best. other than that, today has been just another day. had to go shopping, so i did actually leave the house. Applied for a couple of jobs and got some replies about volunteering, which i will definately start doing if it means that I get some experience in the career area that I wanna go into.

Do yo uever get a song stuck in your head? have you noticed that its always a bad song? If it wasn't it wouldnt bother you. I have a problem which is similar. There is a girl in my head. Its really getting on my nerves! I have really liked this girl from the day I met her. I even remember exactly what I thought about her on the way back home that night; 'hmmm... that girls really nice, I think I'd like to get to know her better'.

I didnt lust after her or even think that much about her after, but for months after that I got to know her and that was it, I was hooked, she had me! Well in my mind she did, obviously she didnt want a grasp over me and this became apparent about a year later when I couldnt handle it anymore and had to get it off my chest. Not the best time to do it, when drunk. But thats how it went down and it was good. It was sooooo good. it was actually like the world off my shoulders and I could simply get on with things. That was about two year ago and since then I think about her all of time. How much does that suck. Like having Karma Chameleon stuck in head, but worse!!! It didnt even take me this long to get over the girlfriend that dumped me!

I cant wait anymore, I have to eat!

What's going on?

So, today has been pretty uneventful. I got the house to myself tho, which is nice, but really quiet. And around Xmas time is that what you want? Well yeah I guess, if you are me. I do enjoy my quiet time. I am used to thinking a lot, I do too much thinking I was thinking the other night. Last night in fact. Last night when I went to bed at about 10.30 in the evening and ended up going to sleep at about 3am. Which would have been fine apart from the being bored stiff!!! What is it about trying to sleep? When I really wan to sleep I cant but I can quite happily fall asleep on the way to the next town while on a bus or a train. Trains are the best, I am often find myself waking up bleary eyed with people looking at me and laughing, only to realise about an hour later that I have dried saliva all down me, and that explains why the rain had collected at the bottom of the window! What a fool!

I tried all things that I thought would help but in the end I think I just stressed myself out by thinking about it too much. I often write my thoughts out, similarly to this. I often stumble across notes I have written years ago. Some of them are quite depressing. Some from near the time my girlfriend broke up with me. But when I find those I throw them away. I found one with a dream written on it once. I was dreaming about being the Terminator, which was great! Then something about orange squash and having to make a perfect one in a lab, which I couldn't do cos I kept drinking it and messing it up. Sounds like me! I try not to mess things up, but there is sooo much to screw up in the world, I am just getting in early so I can fit all of the failures in one lifetime!

So... I'll keep you posted on what I fuck up in the future!

p.s. that spell checker is funny, if there is something obviouslyw rong, just use your imagination

Happy Birthday Frank Sinatra

Well, that's much better!!

Went swimming instead of going for a jog, and how much better do I feel! While I was at uni I went swimming to relax and get a bit of exercise and that hasn't changed. Its a lot more relaxing at the pool where I live than in the city where I went to uni, much less people there and I think I was the only male in the pool, for pretty much the whole time.

Other than that, I did the regular stuff... apply for jobs, play games and apply for more jobs. Things really aren't fast paced in my life at the moment, but then again I have always thought that I was boring in general! Apart from dashing good looks ;) and skills in the kitchen, there isn't very much else. That's a bit of a fib, cos there are things about me that I would be jealous of if I weren't me, like my family, I got loads of them all over the world (apart from the country I am currently in!), and my group of uni friends are great! I miss them all the time while I'm back home. I am really lucky to have a great mates at home as well, but they all have jobs. Most of them have boy/girlfriends as well, which also sets us apart! But that means when it comes to Saturday night at home, I can always count on my mates!

When I say I really don't want to start going on about girls, I am really lieing but its just too depressing. *I say while I shake my head with a smile on my face!*

I am unlucky in love I have to say, but its all my fault.

You might pick more up if you keep reading my entries.

So keep reading and you might just get to know me.

Sunday, day of rest

Its Sunday, was out last night, went to the pub, drank some beer, and left the pub a few hours later. Had a chat about Xmas presents with a friend and have no idea what I am going to do for presents for my mates. I was thinking of maybe a one of those things that you put on your desk with your name on it, but obviously it would be my mates’ nickname and some funny title. But I don’t really know where to get one! I wrote a very short list of the people that I had to buy presents for. Xmas isn’t easy when you are lacking funds, all I want to do is buy presents, well first things first, I have to think of what I’m gonna buy!

When I woke in the morning I found something that I had written the night before and had no recollection of it at all. It said something about blogging, I think I must have been quite confused at the time and the note to myself made no sense at all. I wont include the note on this blog, cos I am not totally sure what I meant, or what was written! My handwriting is bad enough as it is, let alone at sometime in the morning after about 7 pints of beer and a couple of double vodkas!

Watched that film today, A Man on Fire. It was alright. Denzel Washington is not my favourite actor, he always plays the same type of guy, but this time he did deal out some severe deaths and nasty torture one guy. I liked the rocket launcher attack as well. Right I have to continue with one of my other pursuits, computer games! Well what else am I gonna do, I’m unemployed! Well actually I could study, maybe read some of my notes from uni, brush up on a few things, but then what am I going to do in the week J

Fridays blog

Well... I totally forgot my username and password, so heres my back dated blog:

Today is another day

Awww man! Tried to wake up today, but it didn’t really work! After the jog the other day, everything wanted to be asleep! Well I ended up out of bed at about 11am. Could have been worse.

Once again, spent the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon hunting for a job. To no avail. Had a reply… “We are still sorting through the application which is taking us a lot longer that we thought…” well at least its not bad news.

I was wondering how my town get by, last night. There is only one place you can buy vegetables on this half of the town and that’s the super market, which by all accounts is much less than super!!! In fact it’s the worse supermarket that I have been to. The only other place I could go is a corner shop on the other side of town, about 45 minutes walk from my house, and the selection doesn’t look too good. My town tried to have a market, but it failed. There are too many old people (that’s not just a statement, it’s about my town). What town could fail having a market? Only mine is the answer, its all about the parking situation you see. Not enough space, not enough shoppers.

Veg is very important for me, I am not a vegetarian, but I don’t know why people have to have meat in each dish. I think I get that kind of view point from recently being a student having to cook for myself, and having to buy meat when I wanted it, which got less and less. Steaks and roasts in the first year, down to vegetables and noodles in the last year, that’s what happens when you go thousands of pounds into debt with a government that wants to push the country forwards but holds back its youth and doesn’t provide for its own. But I won’t get started on politics, simply because all I know is that when choosing your party, it’s the devil you don’t know and the devil you don’t know and the green party, and who knows what they’d be like in power? (even though I always vote Green)

First Blog

Well... So... this is bloggin' eh?!

perhaps I'll tell you about this morning to start off with.

I started something else today, I went for a jog! I feel pretty good about it, but, on the other hand I should have been doing this a lot more! I stopped exercising about a month ago, when it starts to get cold where I am. Even walking to the sport centre is a chore when its about 0 degrees C!!! I think I had the Nike 10k in my head when I woke up this morning, well I didnt have much to think about this morning. Although trying to decipher exactly what was going through my head to make that odd odd dream I had was also on the mind! Something about a friend driving my car and a policeman crashing into it (I cant drive, and dont have a car!)... something about being holiday, on a boat... and someother odd bits and bobs!

I think I had to start doing something, cos not having a job can get a little tedious! Having been out of the country for a while, all of my friends from school and uni have all got jobs and I am still looking. With rejections being delivered if anything at all, it grinds a bit! But I have a few other things to take my mind off it... *sits back and thinks*

No not really, all I do all day is apply for jobs and listen to music!

So I'm hoping that I will start doing interesting stuff to post up here!!!