I'm a simple simple boy

Was going out for a dinner tonight with my old mates from home, now that I am living at home again. Also went swimming again today, and was quite tired while waiting for one of my mates to pick me up. Thought that I’d have a lie down. I found myself thinking about the times when it was cold and I could get into bed and feel my girlfriend lying close to me and the cold wouldn’t matter, cos she filled me with so much happiness and the cold would melt away as we embraced each other. Then I snapped out of it cos I was going to dinner with her!!! Which I thought was quite funny, but I’d done it before, been out with her drinking and got on well.

I really enjoyed dinner, the food was good, we chatted like it was old times, like we never moved away and we were friends all of the time. I guess this proves that we as a group of people are harder to break up than perhaps I thought we were. We chatted and chatted, and chatted about her moving, odd, cos shes at uni in the middle of her last year. Why are you moving I asked? She said that she broke up with her boyfriend.

And at that point I knew that she was special cos whatever she did made me feel human. When she broke up with me, I felt pain, for the times I hurt her I feel remorse, for the times she loved me I felt like… insert the best feeling ever here… and now she told me that she broke up with her boyfriend and I felt… bad… I actually felt for her. What a girl to be able to do this to me. But we are different people, it would take us getting to know each other again. I really wanted to tell her that I am sorry for everything, and couldn’t cos she had a boyfriend, and now I cant cos she hasn’t got a boyfriend! I want to apologise for hurting her when I didn’t have to. I know I wasn’t the best boyfriend, but I tried! But I know that I was a very bad ex!

I often wanted to hold her at night when I was lonely and often I had to calm myself by imagining that she was there sitting beside me telling me that I was okay and that everything will work out, as if she was the voice of common sense in my head. I knew everything was alright, but when its morning and you cant sleep you’d imagine just about anything!

Now my feelings are confused. I am too simple for this. If I love you, you wont leave my heart. Even after all I have done to try to get her out, there is a space for her there. As is there a space for the girl I will never be able to get. I had just got used to having another person in my heart that I couldn’t have, now… ha! Bloody hell, nothings changed you idiot boy! We still don’t know each other and she still don’t want me. Like she didn’t want me before.

Leaving it for now, but… I dunno, like I say, I’m easy for her, cos there’s a place for her in my life.